Let's Just Settle This Already

Guess what folks? This is a post about breasts. But it is also a post about robot penises.

You know Adam's smoking that cigarette for a reason.

In short, this is a post about how I am fed up with everybody in the media criticizing game developers for how they design their characters.

I just finished reading an article over at IGN on the debate about the size of Bioshock Infinite's Elizabeth's breasts and the merits of the game's story, as if one has anything to do with the other. Each paragraph in the article can be summed up by alternating between "Ken Levine is a genius" and "Ken Levine is an asshole for giving Elizabeth breasts."

First, let me clear up the confusion on the personnel involved. Ken Levine did not give Elizabeth big breasts. The talented concept artists, modelers, and animators at Irrational Games gave Elizabeth big breasts. Okay? Okay! Ken Levine is not the entire company.

Caption 1: Ken Levine is not JP.
Caption 2: JP wanted a robot penis WAY before Adam Jensen got his.

Now let's talk about this article directly. While the author, Colin Campbell, claims to not be the biggest feminist on the planet, the article itself absolutely caters to the lowest common denominator of feminist readers by hitting all the necessary bullet-points:

• The artist is not to blame
• But yet the artist IS to blame
• Why does this character need big breasts in the first place?
• Lara Croft

Let's face the facts here. This is a VERY diverse planet and each person is a snowflake. No two people look 100% alike, thanks a little thing called genetics. The same thing goes for video game characters, thanks to a little thing called copyright infringement. No woman in real life wants to be generalized because of the size of her breasts, so why do we feel it is okay to generalize fictional women for the same reason?

The criticism leveled against game developers over the last couple of years for their choices regarding bust size, I feel, goes against every feminist sensibility ever laid out. If we were to judge real women for their breast size in real life the same way we feel comfortable judging female game characters, every single online so-called "journalist" would have been fired for sexual harassment. Last I read, looking at breasts actually strengthens human hearts. So why all the bosom hate?

No, not these breasts, but these are also high in protein and therefore good for you as well!

The size of a character's breasts should have no bearing on their being a positive or a negative role model, and yet it does. "The bigger the breasts, the bigger the slut," is the attitude I keep seeing regarding female characters in video games. Alyx Vance is a character I often see referred to as a "positive female character," yet I'd hardly call her flat-chested. Jade from Beyond Good and Evil is another, yet her midriff is prominent. Since these are the only two characters who I commonly see referred to as positive, let's take a look at some characters who have been criticized for their figure, yet should be judged by the quality of their character:

• Lara Croft has made countless archaeological discoveries, contributed to the scientific community, is a philanthropist, is completely self-reliant, and has fought DINOSAURS for crying out loud.
• Aida in Unreal 2 was highly intelligent, an ex-marine, willing to make extreme sacrifices, and was a hell of a pilot.
• Femshep was immediately criticized because she was blonde. What the fuck is wrong with you assholes? Shepherd has stopped Rogue Spectres and Collectors, a couple of Reavers, SAVED HUMANITY, and you're going to judge the first public female portrayal of this character based on her HAIR COLOR?! How is BLONDE a negative portrayal of women? Someone tell me this, please.

If you want to talk about sexism in the portrayal of women in videogames, look no farther than your own mirror. None of this is the fault of artists. Do they create idealized figures? Sure, but this is something artists have been doing since the Renaissance. If you really want to push the discussion on female characters along, get over their bodies already. What do you care what they look like and what they wear anyway? Real or fiction, a person's actions should speak louder than their looks.

Here is my parting thought: a soldier returns home from war. This soldier saved five squadmates in a 3-day firefight, hold up in a tower with nothing but a sniper rifle and barely enough rations. Calls for evac were ignored for days because the zone they were in was too hot. Finally, thanks to the efforts of this one soldier, SHE and her injured squadmates were able to be rescued via helicopter extraction. She returns home to her loving friends and family. She also happens to be a smokin' hot blonde with D-Cup breasts. Do you find that last part offensive? And if you do, my only question is... why?